Silent no more.

        I have struggled with the decision about whether to write this blog or not. Watching the ongoing parade of women and the men who have abused them in every facet of our lives I decided that I would go ahead and write.  Not as much for myself, but for everyone else who is silent and damaged by abuse.  Abuse comes in many forms.  Physical, Sexual, Emotional, and Verbal just to name  a few.  We are almost to the year 2018.  We are supposed to be an educated, evolved, modern society.  Abuse in this day and age should not occur  with the frequency that it does.  It makes me wonder for all those who speak out about abuse, how many soldier on silently never saying a word.  While the abuse may be stopped or end.  The after effects may last forever.  For some it becomes a daily struggle just to make it through the day.  It can effect every aspect of their lives.  Self esteem, depression, guilt, self abuse, fear and living in their own private emotional cell.

     This blog is for those who are silent.

 Last night after work while walking in Fry's foods.  I inadvertently witnessed a mother verbally abusing both her son and another young lady.  High school age young people.  It was so inhumane that it snapped me into an emotional flashback that frankly completely surprised me and changed the way I will act and react in the future.

     As I walked in the door an Angry woman said "where is she?,  I will walk back there and find that bitch if she doesn't show up".  I kept walking and went and selected a cake.  On the way I passed a young lady and two young men walking the other way.  I grabbed a cake and headed to the self checkout where I could hear the woman yelling at the kids.  They had moved to right outside the exit door.  It was after I got off work at 9 so there weren't many customers around and apparently no adult Supervisors on duty at Fry's because nobody had the presence of mind to make her stop.  I was doing a pretty good job of ignoring her until I left and as I walked past them on the only way out the door she told the girl "not to speak to her or she would slap the face off her head".

     That's when it happened. The flashback, I snapped, I remembered an incident from my youth and I could no longer keep silent. I saw the embarrassment and humiliation in their faces and remember the same situation and feelings.  I stopped and basically told the woman to shut the hell up or I was going to call the sheriff and CPS.  At which time she took a step toward me and said"  Its non of your business and shut the hell up".  Wrong move. She may have spent a lifetime of bullying people but that night it wasn't going to work on me.   I told her one more step and I would knock her on her ass and then call the sheriff and report her for child abuse.  I found myself standing over her telling her something to the effect if she didn't want kids she should have given them to somebody who could appreciate them.  She didn't deserve them, She was abusing them and she needed to make some real changes in her life.  I didn't back down until she reeled it in and talked to me in  a civil voice. She was as angry as any one I have ever seen, but she was smart enough to shut the hell up.  As I was getting in the car the young lady walked by on the way to her car and I asked her if she was all right.  She said she was, she didn't look it, and she thanked me for caring.  I felt angry, embarrassed, exhausted and too many other things to mention.

    When I got home I told Brian about the incident and had a good cry.  You see.  If you hear " you goddamn dumb ass"  often enough.  You start to believe it after a while.  Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse because you hear it and it works on your head.  Jesus keeey riist how stupid are you.  Each phrase said over time piles on until the weight is like the earth on your shoulders.  Brian has heard me get into an argument.  I have a very violent and uncivilized vocabulary when it happens and I am not proud of it.

     I understand at my age I should be over it.  I understand that at some point you become a responsible human being and you are responsible for you own actions.  I also understand that when you have been abused long enough some things are beyond your control.  I also know that children of abusers, much like children of alcoholics and drug abusers have a greater percentage of becoming abusive as well.  What never ends is the ongoing battle with self esteem.  Self doubt is crippling.

     I had the best grandparents.  I never heard an argument between them that I thought was too out of hand.  Believe me I know what those arguments sound like.  I remember them riding in the car and holding hands.  I remember my grandmother keeping a photo of my grandfather by her bed after he passed away and she talked to it every day.  My grandfather used to forget her sometimes when we were traveling or were at horse shows, but I never saw him be ugly to her ever.  I am telling this because I have been told that when my grandfather was younger and when they were first married he used to be really hard on my grandmother, drank and was not exactly a great parent.  I've asked and none of us grand kids ever saw that kind of behavior.  I asked a cousin of mine one time if he thought it was true and his answer was very sobering for me.  He said " your mother and my father are both abusive and they had to have learned it from somewhere.  Until I heard that, I never considered it to be true.  I also had the realization that if he was abusive something made him change and if he changed, became responsible for his behavior then its possible for other people to realize they are abusive as well and they can change too.  After all they had an example of it right in front of their faces.

    Kids of abusive parents have no friends.  The fear of what will happen when you bring them home keeps you from doing it.  Or the repercussions of bringing one home your parents don't approve of and the hell to pay and insults that you deal with after they leave.  You adapt, kind of living this constant shuck and jive.  You dog and your horse are your best friends, you can stay outside or in your bedroom for hours just trying to stay out of range.  After a while you when nothing is ever good enough you just give up.  You stop trying in school, in sports, you just look for some neutral safe ground.

     I would like to think that I've outgrown my child hood.  The reality is that while I have made great progress in my life  the fact is I have to work on my behavior every day.  I have to struggle to not be angry and abusive to certain types of people and my patience level with them sucks.  Getting into a verbal argument with me can be brutal.  There is no filter and my aggressiveness and meanness ramps up quickly.  I know at this age I am totally responsible for my actions.  I have no one to blame but myself at this stage in my life.

   I did not write this to lash out or to hurt anyone.  But to bring to light the fact that verbal abuse still happens and it can be just as damaging to it's victims as any other type of abuse.

White Oppression

     I have stayed out of the Stand up for the Flag discussion until now.  I personally would never sit for the playing of the National Anthem and I understand that this is America and people have the right to protest any way in which they see fit.  What I find interesting it the reason that athletes and others are doing it.  Because of black oppression.

     Black oppression.  Somebody please tell me how long certain blacks and liberals are going to ride this wave.  Take a look at professional sports in America.  In the NBA 76%, NFL 66%.  We have Black only colleges.  We have students in Colleges in California protesting until they could have black only dorms.  We have BET,  NAACP,  Blacks on T.V. on the news and on regular programming average between 69% and 79%.  I fail to see how blacks are being oppressed in this country.  I have personally been to job interviews with National companies where I was obviously more qualified but black, Mexican and Asian women were hired because they met the demographic where the company could get the most tax benefits.

     Today's black oppression is manufactured by the left and the inadequate losers who haven't managed to become successful as human beings.  There are plenty of things for the black athletes to protest.  Poverty in their communities, crime in the black populated inner cities.  The way they are taken advantage of as sports talented youth who are moved on through the system just for their ability to play and to make money for their owners.  The lack of emphasis put on their education and their total lack of graduating High School and College as functioning members of society.  The fact that black fathers characteristically leave their wives and cheat unmercifully when they do stay.

    The three UCLA basketball players who were caught stealing in China is a perfect example of just how far their ignorance goes.  They have grown up so entitled because of their talent they are no better than common thugs and when left to their own supervision that is exactly how they acted.  Then when Trump engineers their release and they come home.  One of the fathers.  LaVar Bell spits in Trumps face because he didn't bring them home on Air Force One.  Trump should have left the common thugs to rot in prison there.

     Right now African refugees are flocking to Libya with promises to be smuggled into Europe.  When they get there and the smuggles change the rules and they don't have enough money they sell them into slave labor.  The Libyan government knows its going on.  Imagine blacks selling other blacks in the year 2017.  Where is the outrage from the black community over that.  Imagine the shitstorm if Libyan whites were selling blacks.  There would be bombings at the U.S. Capital and the U.N would be going batshit.  In absolute numbers white people are more likely to be killed by police than are blacks.  I don't see any whites taking to the streets to protest police violence and chanting white lives matter. 

     Statistics show that 3 years after a pro basketball career ends 68% of black athletes file bankruptcy.  The numbers are relatively the same for pro football players.  Maybe this explains why they do nothing to help their own communities.  They are too broke and uneducated.  The NBA has put a motion before the NCAA to let retired basketball players go back to college and get their degrees for free if they entered the draft early and never graduated.  I think the NBA should pay for it after all they have been exploiting college athletes for decades. 

    I am sick and tired of the media and the uneducated and ignorant black population and some whites who fall into the uneducated and ignorant category as well with the agenda to blame white people for their own problems.  Its time they got off their lazy asses and found a way to make a better life and to make contributions to society. 

Anxiety at a high level

    Two weekends ago I got the chance to race with NASA AZ.  at Arizona Motorsports Park.  I havent gotten to race at AMP and its been at least 3 years since I raced at a NASA event.  Circumstances, money, timing, work, you name it have all been contributing factors in my lack of attendance.  I have had the chance to race with ProAutoSports a some during those years but not on any type of regular basis.  In that time we've had to build a new race car from scratch.  Starting with a 2000 base Corvette coup.  It is arguably better than the car that it replaced.  Not as much power, but much more civilized and much more adjustable. 

   We had to go through the inspection process all over again. Cage, safety equip, roll bar padding, fire extinguisher, window net etc.  Understandable and acceptable but a major pain in the ass.  Tage was kind enough to make time for the inspection the Wednesday evening before AMP.  Once passed the real anxiety started.  Now I was actually able to race. I was going to have to put on my big boy pants and go. 

    You see, for some reason I am so nervous and anxious when I race with NASA its not funny.  I get all stressed out dont sleep, and frankly dont usually drive as well as when I race with other clubs.  There really isnt any reason for this it's truly just my own problem.  It doesnt make sense because I started racing with NASA.  Have been through the whole program HPDE, Time Trial, and Moving up to Race Group.  Maybe its because both of my wrecks have occurred during a NASA weekend.  Both times took major repairs.  Both times were my fault.  I've even raced with NASA since my last wreck so there is really no logical explanation for my anxiety.  I am not talking average run of the mill anxiety and I talking sick to my stomach, practically cant breath anxiety.  I have been to too many horseshows to count and never get this anxious.  I thought choosing AMP,   a track that I am very comfortable at, and a weekend that wouldnt be very large to jump in again. 

    Race day arrived and I parked with Chris and Drew and their friends.  I was the lone GM product in a veritable herd of Mustangs.   The day was damn hot for fall and I managed to sweat completely through my firesuit during race practice.    I think a sweaty firesuit just might be more toxic and bad for your health than actually catching fire in one.  Qualifying went ok.  I wasnt fast but I had set modest goals for myself and qualified better than both of the cars I had targeted.  My main goal for the day was to finish and entire race day without any incident.  I had one hot dog for lunch.  Drank and excessive amount of monster energy drinks and locked the drivers door when I got myself strapped in and started leaving to go to grid.  If it hadn't been for Marcos methodically figuring out the issue I am sure I would have just loaded the car and came home.  Finally making it to grid I was completely soaked through before we even started our pace laps. 

     I really enjoy the start of the race.  I am usually a really good starter.  Good reaction time, leave in the right gear, can usually position myself so I can see the starter from where I start.  This time started no different.  I was on the inside and I started cheating a little to the right so I could see the starter stand, Marty was ahead of me and as I was sneaking right he was fading that way to stay ahead of me.  The Starter held us a long time until we were right up to him before he waved the green flag.  I knew he was running out of time so I actually laid off a bit and punched the throttle just before the green flag waved.  Timing was good and I was around Marty to the right and alongside of his door as we passed the flag stand.  I thought I might have been a little early but when I looked back Chris was right behind me and we were making our way forward heading toward the first turn with our right wheels right up against the edge of the track.  What started out to be my shining moment of starting brilliance quickly turned into racing calamity as we approached the first turn and the marbles and debris were so thick in front of me you could actually see the build up.  Needless to say getting on the brakes hard enough to make the corner put the anti'locks to the test and I had to turn right across the rumble strips at the edge of the track to keep from collecting cars closing down on the apex of the turn.  I looked back and could only see Chris's windshield and I knew I was committed to making the corner some how or there would be carnage.  Back on track as the lap resumed I could hear the under tray dragging on the track and I knew I had not gotten off damage free from my over exuberance.  Those of you that watch F1 know exactly the start I had.  Just imagine the idiot that starts at the back, runs up the inside and then takes out two of the better cars and himself.  The only difference is the racing gods were looking out for me and I managed not to create an expensive pile of racing junk.  Not only had the off track excursion torn up the under tray but I also managed to puncture a radiator hose and some laps into the race with water spewing out the front of the car and on the windshield I had to quit. 

All in all I would have to call the first day back a success.  It went well enough that with the help of every body in the group I managed to get the hose repaired and was able to race on Sunday as well.  Running AMP counter clockwise for the first time. 

I want to take this time to thank Brian for letting me go and race.  I hate going without him.  I want to thank Drew and Chris and the group for helping me put the car back together and mostly for keeping me calm enough to actually make it on track.  And Tage for his patience and going above and beyond to get me inspected and on track.  It was great to re connect with old friends and meet some new ones as well.  I look forward to more NASA AZ weekends next year in my quest to make it to Nationals at COTA in Austin TX.  Hopefully the longer we run this car the more we will learn about it and the fewer things I will break.  I am getting tired of laying under the front of it fabricating new undertrays. 

The Grand Lady has taken her leave.

    You never know how chance meetings can change your life.  I had to attend the funeral of a friend this week.  More than a friend actually.  I cannot find the words to describe how much she meant to me.  I met her at a horse show some thirty odd years ago and started giving her daughter riding lessons.  Our friendship grew from there.   We have gotten to share many things over the years.  She has been there for me through good and bad relationships, moving to California, then Phoenix.   We have both lost the ones we love.  She took me into her family and I found myself with an huge extended family.  Another grandmother, older brother and sister and aunts and uncles.  I've stayed with them during horse shows.  Been there to celebrate holidays, and she has come to horse shows with me.  We've been to Sequoia and Yosemite National Parks.  Up the CA coast to San Francisco and spent the day at the Wharf.  We've even camped on the beach at Pismo dunes and sat up by the campfire all night watching the waves and enjoying each others company.  She loved my partner Mark.  They were fast crazy friends from the start.

     I have the best memories of the times we spent together.  Thankfully there are a lot of them.  Watching her show her driving horse Fancy at the Pinto Nationals.The times she and Brenda came to the house to stay and ride.   Sharing a nice cigar with our friend Doris while sitting in the barn aisle with upside down buckets for chairs at Tulsa.  Flying into Fresno and going to Temecula CA for a horse show over mothers day.  Dinners with Megan and Stephanie and Sue.  A flood of memories bring a flood of tears.  She never demanded anything of me. Just expected me to do my best.  She loved to watch  her daughter Brenda show.  Those were her proudest moments.  I started calling her mom years ago and she called me her son.  She was tough as nails.  Never complained much.  Battled RA,  had a heart attack, battled throat cancer, and eventually lost her battle with Cancer.  Always hanging in there strong, complaining very little.  I on the other hand would call her whenever I needed to vent, cry, or needed her to pick me up and tell me everything would be alright and that she loved me.  At a time like this I would call her and cry and she would make me feel better.

    This summer she spent with her daughter and son in law and her grandsons.  She was very happy when I talked to her last.  She got to do her life her way.  The Grand Lady has taken her leave.

 

I finally get it.

For years I have been on the fence about gay marriage.  Even right up until I said "I do" I didn't fully understand the fight.  It wasn't needed,  there are enough legal documents out there to handle all the medical rights, inheritance, property, pretty much everything but pensions could be documented and signed to provide equality. 

When Brian and I decided to get married,  we talked about who we were going to invite.  We decided pretty much anybody could come but we sat down and invited a group of our friends.   When we looked at the list one thing struck both of us.  There were very few single people, and all but two of them were in relationships.  All our friends are married.  We also had a very diverse group,  Gay, Straight, Black, White, Hispanic, Republican and Democrat, Catholic to atheist, old and young. 

Being a Republican for years I've listened  to the parties defense of marriage act, marriage is between a  man and a woman,  god is against gay marriage.  I thought who cares, I wont ever get married, and if I do its just a ceremony for us and our friends to go along with the legal documents we signed.

I didn't know how much I would be affected until I said those two little words.  Before the ceremony I thanked everyone for coming, gave them an idea of how the evening would go. Told them about dinner and expressed how happy and privileged I was that they all came. 

One of our friends performed the ceremony and did and awesome job.  Tailored just to us and as normal as any wedding I've been to. 

Back to the those two little words.  The joy I felt when we stood together and said our vows and
"I do" is indescribable.  Like nothing I have ever felt before.  The love, pride, and joy is unbelievable.  I finally understand what all the fuss has been about. 

You cant tell me that God does not want all his people to feel that.  No matter what their sexual orientation. 

The Real American Hitler, another civil war is in our future

     I think when historians write about this period of time in American History they are going to describe it as one of the worst periods we have had.  Very similar to the Nazi/Hitler era in Germany.

    Hitler was a master at using media and the exploitation of a certain people to create hate and hysteria and nationalism. Much like the Hitler of our era except without the Nationalism.  Our Hitler hates America and everything it stands for even though America has provided him with opportunities his home country could never provide.  You see, our Hitler was born into a mixed race marriage that failed.  His father left his mother when he was a young boy.  He was then raised by his affluent grandmother on his mothers side of the family.  She saw that he attended the best private schools, demanded that he get good grades and eventually used his fathers heritage to get him into Yale  law school free of charge.  Then our Hitler set about working for state and local government making influential business government and political party connections until he eventually found himself elected president of the united states.  During his inauguration speech he proudly and defiantly declared that things were going to be different in America.

     What better way, in from what better office can you take a race of people who perceive themselves as trod upon, convince them of it and blame everyone else for their economic, educational, and overall lack of stature and respect in one country.  Then use the media and speaking engagements, and criminal violent acts to incite violence and blame others for the actions of the criminals.  You can even make an example of a high school thug and say he could have been your son to solidify in the minds of the group of people that your on their side and they again have been maligned.  You use gun violence and target shootings to give speeches blaming the courts, and businesses and white Americans for the plight of your people.  Then as a final piece to your plan you sign into legislation a group of executive orders giving rights to others causing distress and fear in a people where there was none before.

     Does all this sound familiar, it should because its exactly what Hitler did in Germany and its exactly what Barack Obama did here in the United States.  He systematically used his office as President and his use of media and the Color of his skin to strike fear and dissent in the country.  He has plunged this county into the worst civil unrest since the 1940's.  Bringing up slavery and racism and violence and daring the country to call him out on it.  He has done exactly as Hitler did,  given rights to one group of people and telling them they have been discriminated against and emboldened them to act as if they are above the law.  Telling them to be afraid of the rest of the country because they owe you and they are going to take your rights away.  This exact argument has done exactly that caused unrest where there wasnt any to begin with and caused a push back by the other side.  Now while his term is over he can sit back and watch the turmoil and violence that he created destroy this country.  Dr. Martin Luther King would be horrified and ashamed of his actions.

    For example just think about the latest actions by Pro Athletes and Hollywood actors and Musicians.  Tell me in what other country could this group of people have the opportunity and the potential to earn the income and have the widespread success they have had.  He has turned a group of Athletes that used to use their fame for good and behave as role models into a group of whining pansies that complain that they are being oppressed by the very people that pay hundreds of dollars a ticket to watch them play.  They complain about the system and how they are being exploited and we brought their ancestors here against their will.

     Well my questions is.  If that never happened.  If they were never brought to this country.  Just how advanced would they be, how advanced would their home country be and just what opportunities would they have there.  I for one would like those that think they have been wronged to go back where there ancestors came from and make a fresh start there.  The rest of you who believe this is a good country, who believe in the constitution and the Democratic form of government that we have here please stay and fight for your country.

   

A racist America

     Living a normal American life has become racist.

I listened to Trumps news conference today.  It was the most presidential he has been so far. Reading some of your responses on Facebook I decided that I've had enough of the pot calling the kettle black.

Those of you who continue to disparage his presidency go right ahead, especially if you can sleep at night and wake up every morning with a clear conscience.  I know some of you personally.  One of you lives off a trust given to her by her father who was a forward thinking central Republican.  He was a brilliant man and I think its awesome that youve never had to work a day in your life.  Obviously it allows you to spend the many hours of your day writing post on facebook on how much you hate Trump.

And you who has spent years going from one form of addiction to another.  Refusing to take care of your body and now suffering from all sorts of ailments mainly because you've become a fat alcoholic.  I remember when you used to drill holes in bathroom walls so you could look through them.

And how about the local dentist who post how bad Trumps morals are and how racist and ignorant he is while going to a black out party on weekends and having random sexual encounters.

One of you makes desparaging comments about Christians and Christian beliefs that are far beyond the level of "grab her by the pussy"

I have had a far from innocent life.  My point here is non of us are perfect, and some of you who are most critical of Trump have and lead lives that are no better and you have no room to judge.  

Golden Corral at its Finest.

     Sunday for fun I took Brian to a Golden Corral for dinner.  He had never been to a Golden Corral before and had no idea what a treat it would be.

     While we were eating,  I started looking around the restaurant and noticing all the different ethnicities that were eating there.  Mexican, American, Indian both dot and feather, young and old, almost all were families with a few single diners there,  one even reading a book as she enjoyed here evening meal.  One thing that struck me, there were lots of children all very well behaved and none of the babies were crying or wailing.  Very unusual these days even at higher end places.  As I was sitting there I thought to myself I wonder how many of these folks cared about Donald Trump or Russia.  I somehow doubt that they wouldnt give it a thought if it wasnt on the evening news every night.  They are busy worrying about paying their bills.  How they are making the rent or the house payment, how they are going to get through the blistering hot Arizona summer and keep the A/C on in their house.  For them,  Golden Corral is a once a week or month treat to take the whole family out.
     These are the very people that our elected officials are letting down.  They are directly effected by the law's and policies that the congress and senate pass or fail to pass.  Many of them have no idea how their children are going to pay for college, if they go to college at all.   They are the absolute backbone of America and we are letting them down.  All of us who post daily to Facebook and complain about Trump.  Those of us who tune in to the View and watch the gaggle of idiots parading by to talk shit about our government with no idea how to make things different.  Every one of us who watches CNN or Fox, or ABC, who tells us daily that Disney is their parent company with their one world view and believes the shit they tell us without using our brains to figure it out for ourselves.  When we blindly follow the media, our congressmen and senators without questioning them, We Lose.  When we vote directly down party lines, We Lose.  When we hear daily about the plight of our retired service men and women and their total lack of proper health care, We Lose.  When we fight about what gender is allowed to use the bathroom, We Lose.  When we conciously choose to discriminate against on people because they are different than us, We Lose.  We Lose the most when we forget that we are all Americans and we should be fighting for each other.  We shouldnt be fighting because we are Democrats or Republicans, that is secondary.  Every one of us knows the difference between whats right and wrong and we are totally loosing sight of the big picture.  The big picture is what is good for America.  We can be diligent Americans without taking advantage of the rest of the world.

Pissing on the Constitution

     This week a Federal Judge, William H Orrick blocked enforcement of Trumps Executive order prohibiting Sanctuary Cities from receiving federal money, and forcing local law enforcement to cooperate with federal immigration officials.

     I view this as a blatant and political assault on the Constitution and the laws of the United States and on my rights.  Where in the Constitution does it say the a City, State, County, Person, Business, etc can break the law without facing the consequences.  A judge ruling that a City can break the immigration laws of this country, and then not be penalized is basically the same as saying nobody has to pay their taxes because they dont believe they are being taxed fairly and there will be no penalty.  I dont want to wear my seatbelt because it makes me uncomfortable and I dont have to pay the fine when I get caught.
   
     We are a nation of laws.  Those laws are written to protect us.  The very idea of a Sanctuary city flies in the face of the very way this country is run.  Sanctuary cities cost the taxpayers money, in hospital care, legal fees, safety, and too many other ways to mention.  The very thought that people can come here illegally, do nothing to become citizens, and enjoy all the freedoms and services that we enjoy here should be appalling to everyone in this country.  Those of you that disagree need to sign over your paycheck to those cities that need the money to pay their bills.  Because as long as you dont feel the consequences of their irresponsible actions you wont care.  There are plenty of AMERICAN CITIZENS that need and deserve our federal dollars.  How about the federal money that those sanctuary cities rely on go just into our Veterans Administration.  That program alone is in shambles and our elected officials appear to be to useless and stupid to do anything about it.

     A judge is supposed to interpret the laws of this country and see that they are enforced the way they are written.  Applying personal views to the legal system is supposed to be beyond their reach.

      I hope the Trump administration fights this ruling to the supreme court sparing no amount of legal expertise to prove his case.  I for one am tired of seeing my rights walked upon because somebody views their rights above mine.  Thats what we have laws for.

Deleting the History of America

    I saw on the news this morning that the city of New Orleans is going to remove the four monuments that it has commemorating the Confederate war.  So the United States, in its efforts to make all the socially correct police happy have decided to slowly and systematically erase our history.  I have news for all you folks crying about the events in the growth of this nation that offend you.  You're the issue, not history.  You're successfully making you're opinions more valuable than those of others.  Trying to wipe out a period in American History that had a huge part in the shaping of this great nation is the true tragedy here.  You're putting American on the same level as the Taliban tearing down historic monuments, and you are becoming the American version of ISIS and their history of destroying anything non radical muslim.  

    

     You cant change history or hide the bad periods in the growth of a country.  As offended as you may be over slaver, or lack of human rights, or womens issues.  The Confederacy was real.  Many passionate men fought to keep this country one.  Removing the monuments, and the historic sights totally dis respects the battle the country went through.  Your desire to be socially acceptable insults the lives lost on both sides during the time.  You take a teachable moment about history and the struggle of the time and wipe it from the conversation.  How do you plan to educate the younger generations so they will not make the same mistakes of the past.  

    I would suggest those of you lobbying for political correctness take a cue from Germany and taking the time to preserve the concentration camps.  They havent bull dozed them down.  They are living memorials to the lives lost and tragic examples of a terrible time in the history of German and the Jewish people.  Millions of people travel to the camps every year to pay their respects to the lives lost and to feel the sheer magnitude of the event.  Preserving the camps gives light to the tragic events in history in the building of Germany and the world.  They preserve historic proof to remind us of the vile tragedy that occurred there and how persecution and ignorance can get out of control.  

 

    Its a sad day in America when our country stops embracing our history good and bad as an example of the struggle, the work, the tragedies, and the triumphs of our country as it continues its evolution.  

The Pup and Pop Compound

    Those of you who are friends or followers on Facebook know that the Pup and I have decided to buy a house.  Brian has been thinking and talking about it for the better part of the last year and we started are looking in earnest in January.  We found one and ruled it out because of the driveway, and tried for 3 others all the while going back to the original find and saying we really like everything about that one.  After looking at it during an open house,  driving the R8 up and down the drive and driving by the outside half a dozen times we decided to actually look at the house and then of course Made an offer. Offer accepted.  Inspection, Appraisal, loan approval, closing date on May 5th.

    Our realtor, Lori Murray has been fantastic.  The listing agent has been a bitch, and more about her at a later date after we close.  Lets just say that Lori has earned her pay with this one and she deserves to be treated much better.

    We have spent countless hours watching HGTV, Flip or Flop, and all sorts of home shows.  We have been to several home furnishing stores from the very high end to the cheap and dollar store variety looking for ideas and items to put in our new to us home.  We dont have much furniture.  Basically two bedroom sets, a couch, and a small dinette, a teakwood entry table that is more art that furniture, an antique dresser.  Not exactly a collection of heirlooms to fill a home with.  One of the things that has struck me while watching these home improvement shows is how much the designers get paid, how cheaply they fix things, how utterly stupid the people they design for seem to be, and how little actual creativity they use while re modeling these houses.
 
     I always believed that a house was supposed to be a home, and it was supposed to be an extension of your personality and taste.  You spend most of your life there it should be filled with things that bring you happiness, things you enjoy and it should be comfortable and usable.  On one home show on HGTV, this couple from Texas gets paid to remodel homes after they are purchased before the new owners move into them.  Three episodes in a row they painted the brick on the outside white, the tile or the brick on the inside white and the cabinets in the kitchen white if they didnt replace them.  They actually put two white couches, glass and metal end tables, and white drapes in a childrens playroom. The only thing child appropriate was a wall bin for their toys and a big chalk board easel.  Un believable.  While looking at home design stores we found the most popular colors for wood furniture is whitewashed grey, it was in every room in every store,  stainless faucets of every shape and size.   glass or white tubs and showers and cheap ass colored glass tile accents everywhere.

     We want our house to be an expression of us.  Old and young, durable, comfortable, fun, happy, and a place that we never want to leave and where our friends want to come and stay.  I always thought that a re model should be easy if the house has good bones to begin with.  In my mind some things are timeless.  Tile on the floor and in the kitchen and bath.  I hate corian, its expensive, dull, cheap looking, generic, and low class.  When you compare the cost of granite or marble to corian, spend the extra and get something durable and timeless.  I love all kinds of tile, I think it never gets old, it shows craftsmanship.  A good designer can find a way to update the look and accent the quality of the tile work without having to paint it or replace it.  We are going to update our house personally, starting with the bathrooms, some paint on the inside and out, and some landscape.  Awesome furniture can make a house look incredible and we plan on having great furniture.

     Look for a Facebook page soon much like we do our racing page.  Pup and Pop racing, but this will be called Pup and Pop's Compound.  I will launch it after we close with a facebook live walk through before we move in so we can document what we have to start with and what ideas we have.  This house has great bones and a personality that is just begging to be turned loose, and we think it is perfect for us.  You may not like what we do, but it will be original, different, comfortable, I think timeless, and it will most definitely be US.

     So the fun begins on May 5th.

I Hate Mondays

     I hate Mondays.  Not because I dont like my job or meetings or anything normal like that. Because I have to go back to the gym after taking two days off.  You see I go to the gym five days a week because I feel a responsibility to take good care of myself.  I made a decision three two years ago to change my life.  I work out 5 days a week while my asthmatic lungs are searing at the end, my knees are starting to buckle and my hips hurt like I have an elephant sitting on them.  I do it because I refuse to be one of those people screaming about being on free health care.  I do it because I refuse to be fat, to take pills for blood pressure, for high cholesterol, for diabetes, for joint pain.

       I loath those of you who bitch about losing their health care while doing nothing to help yourself.  When I look around the gym and observe those around me, they are young, old, walk with cane's and walkers, they wear knee braces and elbow braces and tacky headbands,  they wear leggings and other clothes that should never be worn in public.  I see them every day.  Sweating, working, struggling, grimicing, groaning, everyday.  They bring their headphones, their magazines, their towels, their work out partners and their diligence. They get my utmost respect.  Those of you taking selfies several times a day, complaining about knee pain, back pain, leg pain, your blood pressure, your lungs, your feet and you are shaped like the Michelin man, I loath you the most.  Your ignorance and your laziness makes me angry enough to get up every day and go to the gym.

    Why does it make me angry.  Because of your sheer fat ass laziness you force the rest of us to be healthy because you get free health care.  You see your too ignorant to realize who pays for your free ACA health care.  The rest of us do.  I pay,  Every person with a health care plan pays for you.  Most of us have deductibles so high that we cant afford to get sick.  While your medication and health care is free we pay co pays and deductibles and high prescription prices so you can be a pig and abuse the system.  You dont take one millisecond to think about who actually pays for your "Free"  healthcare.  Every person on a group plan pays for you.  Every person on social security pays for you.  Every person on Medicaid pays for you with a 14% surcharge on every medicaid transaction.  Every doctor pays a fee for every person they treat. Every employee on a group plan pays for your health care.  Every small business pays for your health care.

  YOUR health care is not free, the government doesnt pay for it the rest of us do.

    So next time you go to Sunday brunch with your buddies, or go to beer bust, or a pool party, or out to your favorite bar on Friday night look around the room at the people and just take a minute to look at those people who take good care of themselves.  Look across the table at brunch and notice who is eating healthy.  Because every day you sit on your fat ass and complain that your feet or your knees hurt and then whine that you will die if you lose your health care.  I think you should get up off your lazy ass and thank everybody you see who has a health plan and pays for it.  Thank your mother on social security and thank your neighbor who is 65 and on medicare, thank the real estate agent who pays for a private plan, thank the teller at the bank.

    Because thats who's paying for your health care.  Not you.

Womans rights. or lack thereof.

     As you know I grew up in Nebraska and Indiana,  Republican conservative, anti gay, middle America.  My mother had a professional career on top of being a housewife.  She is a strong willed brilliant tough woman.  Both of my Grandmothers on the other hand  were housewives from what I can remember.  They kept house, cooked.  raised families, and loved their husbands, children and grand-children. I never saw either of my grandfathers speak to them dis-respectfully.  As far as I could tell they had good marriages and loved each other very much.   My 4-H leader when I was growing up was also a woman, and I was in a 4-H club with mostly girls.  She was also a brilliant, hard working woman who demanded excellence, respect and treated you with the same in return.  My teachers in High School from what I can remember were also intelligent, strong, hard working women who raised children, had husbands, and were responsible for hundreds of young lives throughout their careers.  The girls from 4-H that I am still in touch with today, with the exception of one have grown up to be respectful, hard working women who contribute to society on a daily basis.  I dated fine women in my younger years,  All have grown up to be awesome adults, one is a past Miss Rodeo Nebraska who is a hard working, intelligent ranch wife who writes beautifully and loves her family deeply.  Even my sister who doesnt always pick the right husband has grown up to be an awesome adult, raised the finest son mostly on her own who is a fine young man in the U.S. Air Force.

     I assure none of these women feel that their rights are being threatened,   and if they did,  they know how to Vote, call a congressman, write a senator, and invest and spend their money in a manner to make their voices heard loud and clear.  Non of these women I have talked about stand around and say what about me.  They dont hold their hands out for government assistance, they wouldnt be caught dead at a rallye where Madonna threatened the white house or Ashley Judd horrified young girls by shrieking about how persecuted she felt as a woman because she doesnt get her tampax for free.   Well guess what girls.  Last time I looked men are paying for their Erectile Dysfunction pills unless they are used to help control incontinence and that takes a letter from the attending physician and they dont do that shit.

     I am sick and tired of seeing people on the news marching and protesting because they are unhappy with Trumps executive orders.  It amazes me that they think its racist and discriminating and disrespectful.  When Obama said if he had a son he could have been Trayvon Martin.  Where was the outcry there?  We all know that is a lie.  Obama attended private school his entire life.  His daughters attend private school and if he had a son we all know that he would not have been out at 930 at night buying skittles and Dr. Pepper and when his son was in public he would have been raised well enough to speak intelligently when spoken too.  None of Trumps executive orders are new.  They are there to enforce laws that are already on the books.  There is no mention of race in any of his orders.  There is no order sending woman back to the middle ages.  Those are the views of the Muslims in the middle east that you so eagerly want to bring here.  Those of you that want to open our borders need to open your homes to immigrants.  Tell those 30 young women that were raped last year over the new years holidays by Syrian refugees in Germany that they should be happy they were just raped and not killed.  You didnt see CNN America showing the German public marching and protesting Angela Merkal's plans to alow more refugees into the country.  You didn't see CNN Fox or ABC or any other outlet showing German Police using water cannons to control protesting crowds in Germany.  Only on CNN international and you had to watch that online.  If your a woman and your protesting to allow more refugees and Muslims in this country.  You hold no value for the lives of your young daughters.

     I dont know how the rest of you were raised, I dont know who your role models were, I dont know who taught your how to respect your mothers and women in general.  All I do know is my Dad taught me to respect my mother, and women and that was made very clear at an early age.  Some of you need to learn that now, and the Muslim faith isnt the place to start.

   

Taking Responsibility

      I wasn't going to write this blog, but after the events of this last week.  I felt compelled to.  It covers many different things, so if you're interested you might want to read it entirely.  It's not all pleasant so  you might want to prepare yourself.

Two years ago in February I started a new job.  A job I really liked and because of that I was forced to take a long hard look at my life and lifestyle.  I weighed 360#,  I was hypertensive, had high cholesterol, and was borderline diabetic.  I liked this job and I could not perform my duties well if I was a lardass.  I was a Lardass.  I made the conscious decision to get in better shape.  First I started eating less and found that I could eat less than half what I was eating before and I became more active.  12 months later I had lost 130lbs.  The difference in how I felt and could enjoy life was more than I could possibly imagine.  The secondary and direct effect to my health was my blood pressure is now normal or below like it was when I was young.  My cholesterol has dropped from 220 to 162 and my blood sugar is back to normal again.   This last February I had to start going to the gym to maintain my weight loss and not go back to gaining again.  Again I had to modify how I eat changing to lots of poultry and vegetables.  Eating mainly at home, and having leftovers for lunch a lot instead of eating fast food.  Once again I am starting to tighten up and loose whats left of my belly.  This brings me to the main reason of this post.  Taking Responsibility for my health.

     We have an "accountability" problem in the United States.  We dont take responsibility for our own actions.  We expect the government to supply us with quality health care no matter what kind of shape we are in.  When I was in college I had a health insurance policy that cost me $25.00 per month.  by age 45 it was up to $235. and if I have to pay on the exchange at this point its close to $600/month with a 12K deductible and 80/20 copays and a prescription drug plan that is totally worthless.  There is nothing affordable about the Affordable Care Act.  If you are employed and can pay your bills you cannot afford to pay for your health care.  I blame the pre-existing issues coverage for this.  You see.  When you take pain pills out of the equation,  Blood pressure, cholesterol, and diabetes due to obesity are the main medications prescribed today.  We all know a certain population of Americans who eat like hogs.  Refuse to go to the gym,  live the fast food life.  They don't take responsibility for raising their children and they sit around.  Play video games and end up looking like a bunch of Miss Piggys.  I'm sorry, go out to dinner and watch how some people let their kids eat. It's not the kids fault they are lazy fat asses.  Its the direct result of parents not being parents.  We dont encourage sports because little Billy might get whacked in the head and 50 years from now it might make his life expectancy go down.  But it's ok for Billy to weigh 250# in the 6th grade and wear gym shorts and oversize T shirts to school every day because nothing fits him.  The girls are the same way.  And dont try and blame lack of gym, lack of after school programs, lack of inter-mural sports programs.  They are all out there and government funded if you get up off the couch and look for them.  I go to the gym 5 times a week. The place is busy every day.  Whenever I go.  There are millions of Americans every day who are dedicated to living a healthier lifestyle.  Should they be made to pay for the ones who dont take their own lives into their hands and take care of their own health.  Dont tell my your too fat, it hurts your knees or your back,  of course it does you pussy and you ate yourself into that position so take responsibility for it.  Just look at the poor example on t.v. Extreme Weight Loss. on ABC.  Look at the weight those people lose.  Its not a great program but if those lard asses can do it.  You can too.  Oh and by the way.  I dont remember any headlines about any of them dropping dead during the program.  I have a pre existing condition.  Ive had back surgery over 10 years ago and every single insurance policy asks about it and tries not to cover anything.  Another reason for me to keep the weight off my fat ass.  Dont tell me you have been heavy since you were a kid.  So was I, The Dr told my parents to put me on a diet when I was in elementary school.  I remember that conversation with my parents at the dinner table.  I remember making the smart ass comment that the Dr. was an idiot and I also remember my dad rapping me on top of the head with a teaspoon and leaving a lump that lasted two days.  Just another example of learning to respect others.  The Dr. was correct by the way I was fat.

     So as far as I'm concerned,  If you have high blood pressure, you have diabetes, you have high cholesterol, and your knees and back hurt.  Guess what.  I dont give a fuck.  I also dont intend to continue to pay for your health care.  You got that way,  you need to pay more.  Keep eating and enjoy your shortened life.

    The next thing that pisses me off is people who complain about the cost of Aids medicine.  If I remember correctly they figured out in the early 80's that is was a sexually transmitted disease,  If you wore a condom you could drop your chances of having sex and contracting the disease by 99%,  Well guess what people.  That was 30 plus years ago.  Condoms are cheap compared with the cost of aids medicine, not to mention you are totally in control of making the decision to have safe sex or not.  Take responsibility for your own life put a rubber on your dick  and live.  I dont want my tax dollars to pay for your aids meds either.  We are all adults and we are not animals who come in heat and cant control ourselves and have to breed to reproduce.  Every time you choose to have unprotected sex thats exactly what it is, a choice.

     Finally. Trump.  Congratulations America,  Especially you liberals.  Trump started as a Liberal and somewhere along the way you let him get away and he became a Republican.  I think the far left is who created this man.  Especially Hollywood.  Lets validate his behavior, coin a phrase of his from his t.v. show the Apprentice,  "you're fired".  and glorify his ego and his personality.  He is a DIRECT product of what America can produce today.  He has money.  His lawyers know how to use our laws and legal system to make him more money.  By the way those laws are the same ones that our elected officials have written and put on the books.  We have rap and hip hop music that talks about rape and calls women bitches and whores and each other niggers and people buy it by the millions but when he uses the same language you say its not appropriate.  I especially like those of you on the left that say he objectifies women.  Professional athletes and movie stars do it every day and nobody cares.  He is a product of his environment and congratulations you get to enjoy the mess you created.  I especially like those of you that say he is not your president.  You didnt vote for him so he is not your president.  You have no voice.  Well guess what.  Now you know how some of the rest of us have felt for the last 8 years.  I hope it makes you physically sick to your stomach.  You've earned that too.  I am sick and tired of hearing you say my opinion and beliefs are wrong but you force yours on me like its some kind of religion.  You are just as bad as the far right.  There is no intelligent discussion with you.  You turn vulgar and insulting the instant someone disagrees with you.  I watched the twitter feed during his inauguration.  Both sides left and right should be ashamed of themselves.  Calling for his assassination.  Really I remember when you thought that was terrible and you were horrified when people said that about Obama.  I dont know what the next 4 years are going to bring.  I like what I've seen so far.  He is exactly correct our elected congress and senate are lazy worthless self centered human beings.  Not one of them is there to get anything done.  I hope he shakes things up. Pisses off people on both sides of the aisle if they wont work with him or come together to bring this country back to the level that it deserves to be, that will be the true example of just how worthless our elected officials are.

   I dont expect any of you to agree with me.  I dont care anymore, but I will tell you this.  I will be as critical of Donald Trump as I was Barack Obama and I goddamn guarantee none of you will call me a racist and a bigot.  Can you say that about yourselves?