Are we really fighting for equality, or just whining and letting somebody else do the hard work.

     The shootings in Orlando and the reactions from various people around the country has had me thinking for the last week.  The posted reaction from politicians, some clergy, the Pope, and the gay community itself seem to be all over the board.  Those of you who choose to read this will have to bare in mind that it's my own opinion and I don't expect you to agree with it. Frankly I actually care very little what most of you think.  Some of you will express opinions that agree or disagree,  How much credence that I give each opinion depends only on one thing.  How much I value you as a human.  I'll admit right now I know some of you enough and the answer is damn little. 

     WE as a gay community demand gay rights.  Supposedly we want to be treated just like everybody else.  We want legal benefits and rights.  We want the same treatment economically, the same rights to bathrooms and wedding cakes and the list seems to be unending. 

     WELL IF THATS TRUE, THEN WE NEED TO START BEHAVING LIKE WE DESERVE THOSE RIGHTS.  Marching in a gay pride parade, dressed in fetish wear is not the answer.  Wearing only a rainbow colored jock and riding on a float with a bunch of drag queens carrying a sign saying "We are with you Orlando" is not the answer.  A gay pride parade has not one thing to do with marching for gay rights.  Its strictly an event for self expression.  If you can prove me correct then somebody please cite an example.  Its not marching for solidarity, I didn't hear anyone chanting "gay lives matter".  Citing the feeling of safety because the local police had to show up in force and patrol trying to head off any violence is not demanding equal rights.  Equal rights under the law maybe, but frankly that's a piece of paper that is worthless unless in the eyes of the world we are just as normal as everyone else.  Every time we hide in the closet we are allowing prejudice, Every time we sneak into a bathroom because we are transgender we are allowing prejudice,  When we form our own sports leagues, and gay Olympics, and car clubs etc. we are allowing prejudice and segregating ourselves.  I myself am guilty of these types of actions.  I tried to hide my sexuality most of my life, from my Parents, my family, my friends, business associates you name it.  Its easier to lie about it by omission than to be brave and face the consequences by just being honest.  You see at this age I am tired of the struggle.  I don't attend gay pride events.  Not because I am ashamed of being gay.  I gave that up years ago.  Because that type of behavior disgusts me.  I don't want to watch a gay man hump his boyfriends leg, anymore than I want to watch a straight man hump his wife's leg.  I don't want to attend a parade for nudists any more that I want to attend a gay pride parade.  The scenery at both is equally disgusting and usually in poor taste.  I don't want to parade around the streets advertising what I do in the privacy of my own home, and I don't want to know what you do in yours, and what the hell do you want the police and the government knowing as well. 
   
     Don't bother to argue that gay pride events are used as fund raisers in support of the gay community.  Yes in some small part that is true.  Tragically the amount of money raised at those events is usually embarrassingly small.  Less that ten thousand dollars for a pride parade the size of Phoenix's, Less than two dollars for everyone participation.  Cheap Bastards.  There are some truly wonderful individuals in Phoenix that dedicate time, energy, and money to causes, and you can count them on one hand. 

    Basically what I am saying is that if we as a community want to be treated equally, then its time we start acting like we deserve it.  We need to start doing our part.  Time to mobilize, and march in unison when an injustice is done.  If you are transgender and need to piss.  Don't make a federal case about it.  Just walk in and use the bathroom of your choice.  Trust me some people may talk but the majority of them wont give a shit.  We need to show up in force when the Westborough Baptist Church decides to protest.  They always announce their intentions and frankly they are not one bit afraid of the gay community.  The minister that was assaulted by the young girl last week should have been assaulted by many other gays as well.  He earned it.  He deserved it.  Maybe if somebody clocks him upside the head with a bat everytime he spews his hatred he will learn to keep his ignorant mouth shut.  Elected officials that make public statements that are disparaging to gays need to hear from us, through phone calls, emails and even marching to the courthouse or wherever his local offices are.  We are too passive.  We can get married and we do it at private homes or the justice of the peace or by some county official.  Hell have a wedding, rent a venue, order a cake, have a reception and demand to enjoy the ceremony just like anyone else would.  Put on suits, look like the responsible people that we are and attend political functions demanding attention by our actions and our voices.  We are not a stupid group.  We are intelligent, and we have valid opinions and beliefs and we have become far too passive. 

    I have become far to passive myself.  From now on if I get caught up in the emotion and I want to reach across the table and touch my partners hand at a nice restaurant for dinner I am going to.  Everybody already thinks to men at a romantic dinner are gay anyway.  Time to show how proud we are of our partners and that we love them just like everybody else does.  I am sitting at Starbucks listening to two Indian immigrants speaking in their native language.  They have more rights than we do and I was born here. 

The Apathy of the Educated.

I have to say I like Facebook.  I believe at its inception it was based as a noble way to disseminate information to the masses and connect large groups of individuals.  In my case it has allowed me to get in touch with friends from the past, family, keep in touch with people from parts of the country where I used to live, and I use it to publish some of my blogs and opinions.  The part of Facebook that I find incredibly distasteful deals with the negativity and ignorance on display every day.  I am going to use this blog to cite some examples that irritate me the most. 

Lets start with the total lack of respect shown to our political candidates.  When I was growing up there were political pundits, they drew cartoons and wrote editorials about their disdain for the candidates, but they were harmless and respectful as well.  This new era of saying the most vile things about our politicians it disgusting.  I have to admit I have been pretty hard on a few of them myself.  Usually having the facts to back up my opinion.  But I don't say vulgar things, or personal things about any candidate.  Let me be clear.  I don't think either of our choices are qualified to be President of the United States.  Making critical posts about ones wife's ass, how tackily they dress, their ignorance, are just among a few of the less disparaging points.  This serves no purpose but to bring the country down, and make us look ignorant in the eyes of the world.  Which frankly I don't care about. 

Next.  Some of you know I recently quit my job.  I have at age 52 started studying again so that I can change the direction of my life.  Do you think I like that.  Hell no,  but I am a realist and the way things are in the present world I need to change myself so that I can produce the income that I am accustomed to.  By the way.  I am paying for it myself.  No loans, no grants, no free education because I want a better job.  I am responsible for the choices that I make and If I want to change my life then I should pay for it.  Not the government or anybody else.  If you went to school and you got a student loan then you should pay for it.  If you graduated from high school in this country you are smart enough to read the ads for jobs on craigslist or the various internet sites Career Builder etc and see what the average salaries are.  Do the math and figure out that if they are offering $10.00 per hour for jobs in your chosen field.  Then when you graduate with $80.k in student loan debt you have no way to pay for it.  I made $15.00 / hour as an operations manager for a small flooring distributor.  I did not leave because I was unhappy with my salary.  I left because one of my bosses was a rat bastard.   I was responsible for moving $200K worth of product through our warehouse a month.  I did the ordering, the receiving, the shipping etc.  I was good at my job and proud of the work I did.  The average starting wage for an operations manager in phoenix is around $11.00 per hour.  When I hear the argument that fast food workers deserve a minimum wage of $15.00 per hour it really pisses me off.  Especially when their percentage rate of getting my order correct is about 30%.  Jobs in that realm were meant to be part time jobs to teach young adults how to work.   They were never meant to support a family.  Its not my fault that you were privileged when you grew up and you made it all the way through college and never held down a job.  I pity you because chances are you are going to fail at your first few.  Somehow we turned into a society of minimums.  We do the minimum to get by at work, at school and most of us as humans to get by.  Those same people who produce so little demand absolute perfection of others.  Well my advice to you is go fuck yourself.  Pay should be based on job performance. 

The last think I am going to address is the shooing in the gay club in Orlando.  Personally I don't care the shooter was a Muslim.  I am not surprised that he was, but frankly I have been waiting for it to happen.  I read a post on Facebook Monday where the author asked why is there no unity in the gay community,  Why aren't they marching for equal rights like the blacks did.  Good question.  A pride parade is not a show of unity in the eyes of the world.  It is no better than a circus freak show.  I watched news coverage the day after the massacre on the pride parade in Los Angeles and one of the floats they featured showed some 400# man wearing nothing but a pride painted jock.  If you think that is showing one ounce of respect for the victims you are just as disgusting as he is.  Pride parades have nothing to do with solidarity, they are simply a venue for everybody to show some sort of self expression.  At a straight bar two years ago after the pride event was over.  One of the gay patrons was wearing a thong with an erect penis.  He was the only one dressed that way.  This particular pride event is held in a small town.  Very respectful, the town comes out to celebrate it.  It is the only pride event that I have ever attended.  I asked him why he was behaving that way and dressed so inappropriately and his response was "because I can".  That is the perfect example of what's wrong with the gay community. As much as you think that its about your rights and your freedoms and protections under the law you couldn't be more wrong.  When you wanted to be treated just like everybody else, same laws, same protections "Equal Rights", then its your responsibility to behave like everybody else as well.  Just because same sex marriage is legal now doesn't mean that you have reached equality and most of you think you have.  Not to mention how little respect that you show for the people who have fought those battles for you.  Let me give you a little insight about how equal you really are.  I have been gay all my life.  I may not have known it when I was younger, but I knew I was different.  I had teachers, coaches, classmates all question it before I even understood what gay was.  Men at restaurants used to stare at me when I was in high school, I didn't know why.  When I figured it out I stayed in the closet for a long time.  I have been in Topeka Kansas when the Westborough Baptist Church was protesting carrying their God Hates Fags and Aid's is God's punishment for Fags. Did it hurt.  I would be lying if I said it didn't.  I was standing outside a gay bar in Louisville KY one evening when a pickup drove by and sprayed the building with bullets.  Nobody wanted to call the police because they didn't want to bring any undue attention to the "Gay Bar".  I have to admit right now that I am more in love with my boyfriend than I ever have been.  I view this as my last chance to have the kind of relationship that I have wanted my whole life.  I came close once. At my age I probably wont get another.  Someday I plan to marry this man.  It is legal today to be married to another man,  I thought I would never see that day.  Can I walk down the street holding his hand and feel equal, NO, can we sit on the court house lawn in Prescott eating ice cream and can I lean over and kiss him, NO, can we check into a nice motel and have the desk clerk not ask if we would rather have two beds, NO.  Just in case you are gay and haven't figured it out yet.  You are not equal.  We need to continue the fight, we need to be diligent, we need to act like respectful human beings and march for solidarity.  We need to show up on the state capital steps in groups dressed as the lawyers, realtors, doctors, dentists, carpenters, mechanics, and operation managers that we are and demand to be treated as the equals we are.  How about a million fag march to Washington is anyone willing to do that.  It hasn't happened yet.  The participants at the Stonewall riots must be sadly disappointed at how little movement has been made since they made those original sacrifices. 

Transitions.

I hate Transitions.  I thought that when I stumbled through the last big change in my life, it would be the last one.  But as I evolve as a human.  I have realized that sometimes change is inevitable and required to move forward with ones life.  Many of you have noticed that I have made some drastic changes in the last few months.  I left my partner because I was unhappy with the direction that our lives were going, and I quit a job that I really liked because I could no longer handle the Bi Polar nature of one of my bosses and his readiness to volley verbal abuse at me when he was having a bad day.  I've had to endure enough undeserved verbal abuse in my life and frankly, I am too old to put up with that shit anymore.  If your going to lose your shit with me you better be in the right.  So the job search continues.  I have one offer on the table and I have 1 week to make up my mind.  I know, beggars cant be choosey but suddenly I think I deserve some choices.  I can hold out a little longer and maybe a golden opportunity will come along. 

As far as my relationship.  A good friend of mine and customer used to tell me "life is simple, if you are unhappy, you make a change"  Well as you can see I made a big one.  I am sorry about any collateral damage, but WTF  was I thinking in the first place anyway.  Sometimes no attention at all is better that the attention you are getting.  Thats a hard choice to make. 

Anyway, off to bigger and better things. 

Little things in the land of excess.

Growing up in the United States.  Most of us, or the best of us learn to strive for the best.  Competition is a good thing.  We want to get the best grades in school.  We play high school or college sports and strive to win our event our have a winning season.  As we progress into Adulthood we concentrate on buying the best home we can afford or drive the best car.  I am no exception to this, I prefer to have nice things to a point.  I also believe if its not broke, dont fix it.  Over the years I have worked at some futile jobs for some less than deserving companies, as well as have been hound dog loyal to some friendships that I should have never started in the first place.  Anyway I have matured into a walking contradiction about life.  My everyday clothes usually look like something that came from the free rack at the good will, but I have an almost paralyzing addiction to silk short sleeve summer shirts from Tommy Bahama.  I also have an addiction for anything Ralph Lauren or Polo.  It used to be Nautica, but they all got to looking the same so I gave up on them.  When I used to show horses I could go 6 weeks and show 4 days a week and not have to go to the cleaners.  I did not have to wear each shirt more than once, although I do have several that are the same color.  I have a fetish for nice suits. As well.  Few 40 year old men can wear a different Italian suit every day of the week and have their own tux.  I can and all I do is look at them.  I actually loathe going to anywhere I would have to wear one. I just like having them there.  Recently I have been bored to death with the job I have had for the last three years.  It started out as a real challenge and had great potential.  Its also one of those exercises in futility that I mentioned earlier.  I have never been a quitter and I blindly went along for too long thinking I could right the ship from below.  Truth is sometimes one must have an owner, boss, leader, that does more than take up space, strut around and look pretty. 

My recent quest for a new and challenging job has brought about frustrations and realizations.  I have been very frustrated at the whole process in the first place.  Three years ago when I boarded the sinking ship  the  job market was considerably better that it is today.  Median salary available in the local job market was about $10.00 per hour.  Now analysts may try and tell you otherwise, but when you put all the available jobs together in one pot thats what you get.  There were pages and pages of them in the newspaper, online, and looking with the job service.  This time around, three years later.  The median salary available in the job market is around minimum wage  $8.00 per hour.  Dont even try to argue with me.  Ive looked.  There are hundreds of jobs listed college degree required for under $10.00 per hour.  What I want to know is why.  Why has the base salary being offered dropping.  Is it because the job market is flooded with qualified individuals, if you ask anybody in the HR department at a company you will find thats not the case.  Is it because there are so many college graduates that have never worked before they are not worthy of much more.  Is it because outside influences are forcing both private and public sector jobs to hire part time pay less jobs.  Is it because of the trend to hire free intern help and work them to death.  I dont have the answer but I do have a few ideas.  Mainly I think its because true manufacturing has left the United States.  Working a good steady production job has turned into the least desirable form of employment in this country.  Since high school most of us have been pushed into higher education with the promise of big salaries, management positions, and over inflated salary bases said to be available to those college graduates.  In talking to HR departement managers I have heard some of the most amazing shit.  One in particular said they just pick the least offensive college graduate and put a warm body in that position and hope they can eventually be trained to be an employee worth having.  One was actually told by a college graduate employee that he had to quit because the job required too much of his personal time and he couldnt keep track of facebook during the day.  One graduated with a masters in business and was incapable of making a business plan.  Frankly folks if this is what we are turning out of American Colleges I am glad I am old and on the downhill towards retirement because I damn sure dont want to be here when that group is in charge.  I have had a flawed view of the college process for a long time.  Right after I started actually,  taking courses not pertinent to your chosen major because they are required is a crock.  Those classes should have been covered in high school.  One recent study has shown that 70% of all college graduates have never had a job.  They have never worked in the private sector, they have $80k in student loan dept upon graduation and are looking at working for $10.00 per hour. 

The unplanned degradation of our youth.

     Today while driving I heard the saddest excuse for a commercial on the radio  The sad part is that it was a perfect commentary on what is one of the major problems with how we are raising our youth.  The commercial was about participation.  A young boy is asking his coach about why he gets a trophy, for each game, even if they lose,  a trophy even if he doesn't play, a trophy just for being on the team and not quitting before the season ended.  A trophy for participation in every tournament even if they lost every game.  When asked why the coach gave away so many trophies, his reply,  to help kids build self esteem.  The kid then suggested to give away chocolate milk and that would really make the kids feel better.  It was a commercial by the Milk Producers council.

     I am pretty sure the basic idea of sports is to learn much more than self esteem.  Self esteem is built by achievement.  Sports teach so much more,  how to work together, how to take instruction and constructive criticism.  How to take defeat and how to rise above it to work harder to win the next time.  How to pick yourself up on what you think is your worst day and put one foot in front of the other and keep going.  I have said for a long time participation ribbons for everybody is a bad thing.

     I have competed in life for the last 35 years.  Competition is what has built this country and made it great.  The cross continental railroad was a race between two companies to get the most rails laid. The race to the moon between the United States and Russia not only drove pride in America, but brought about countless advancements in aeronautics, medicine, engineering, and things I am sure the simple people like me have no idea about.  The Olympics have provided a showcase of pride and achievement for countries that have little else to be proud of.  Foreign countries send their smartest students to America to be educated in our Universities and take that knowledge home to build their own economies.  Just look at how China, Shunned by most of the world has learned to work withing the system to develop the worlds largest economy, take home technology learned here and use it against us. Competition drives the world.  The smartest kids get the scholarships, the best athletes get scholarships, the best salesmen get the bonuses,  the best CEO make the biggest bonuses.  Countless numbers of medical advancements have happened because companies know those who get the cure the first will make the big money.  Hell when you apply for a job, you are competing with other applicants for that job.

     You show me a kid who doesn't care that he has lost the game and I will show you a kid that will go through life never making a meaningful contribution to anything.  Those participation ribbon children never learn to go the extra mile.  They may think they are doing the best jobs,  I know a few. They are the ones that have grown up without competing.  Suddenly at 25 they go to the gym,  Next thing you know they are taking steroids to build muscle.  They play games in a fantasy world where you never really lose, you just push reset.  They have zero idea how to do the extra work needed to do something great.  They don't have the foggiest idea how to make Lemonade when the world hands you Lemons.  They expect the world to take care of them.  Provide them jobs, health care, education, housing etc while they perform their daily tasks in mediocrity all the while with their hands out.

     Like I said before, I've competed for the last 35 years, it was my job.  The long days, staying up all night, travelling miles and miles overnight to the next competition,  The exhaustion, pain, working when your sick.  Every single thing was worth it.  I made my best friends that way, paid my bills, earned respect, learned to respect others, and the sense of accomplishment that I felt was far better than any high from any joint.  Self esteem.  That's something that winning those battles.  No matter how small at first will be built.  Winning the small battles give us what it takes to try and win the bigger ones until we are competing and performing on the level that brings each and every one of us to our own peak performance.

   

The ineptitude of the American public.

     Some of you lately have commented that I am too negative.  This post is especially for you.  It is a glorious 70 plus degree day here in Phoenix and everything is going just fabulously right with my world.  I have a partner that I love.  I have a job that I can tolerate.  I have an interview tomorrow for an even better one, we are all healthy.  I have a good car to drive.  Everything is just coming up roses.
     On the other hand, the rest of the world needs to get its shit together.  The recent live burning of a Jordanian pilot is a disgrace on the ass of humanity.  I say ass because in the year 2015, it is inexcusable for one terrorist group to be allowed to rape, kill, pillage, burn people at will without any consequences. The educated enlightened countries of the world are just as much responsible for continuing to turn a blind eye and let these atrocities occur.  Remember the African girls that were kidnapped this summer.  Initial outrage was huge and then it all died down and now nobody has said a word.  Nobody even questions anymore where they are and what has happened to them.  I can tell you that.  Recently young school age girls have been forced to walk into towns acting as suicide bombers.  After 6 months of rape and other unspeakable abuse I wouldn't be surprised if they weren't volunteering to blow themselves up.  All this goes on while here in America we are focused on the trial of Jody Arias.  One crazy bitch who violently killed her pervert Mormon boyfriend.  Really.  Lock her up, throw away the key and lets move on.

     As a country we have spent years wielding our influence on the lesser countries of the earth.  I think its time that we stepped up to the plate and supplied them with the security that they deserve.  If our President wants to do something truly impressive lets see him forge an alliance with Russia, Great Britain, Australia, France, Italy, Saudi Arabia, The UAE, India, Turkey and others and start to police theses terror groups.  Somali Pirates,  that is a tragic joke.  The United States and Russia alone posses enough Naval capability to eradicate that scourge in one year.

     The fighting right here at home between Republicans and Democrats, and the ignorance in which the voting public behaves is a tragedy in itself.  We have grown up in to become the me generation.  Hell, some of the largest religious groups in the nation are based on praying to receive the gifts you want.  Not praying for others and doing the lords work.

     I have a great life, as I am sure that many of you do as well.  That doesn't change that fact that the world is turning into a giant shitbox and it's time we took some responsibility.  Raising our voices to bring the negatives to light is just the first step.  Unless of course you really don't care and then if that's the case keep your mouth shut and never complain, Take the world as it comes and blindly go on.  Just stay the hell out of the way of those folks that intend to make a difference.

    Go out and make it a great day.

When the Christians Aren't, the battle for equality is far from over.

    Before you read any further in this piece you need to understand something.  I have friends.  GOOD friends who are shining examples of the best Christians on earth.  Not because they are perfect, not because they sit around quoting bible scripture all day, not because they spend hours a day volunteering to help the poor and downtrodden, and not because they focus on showing non Christians the way.  Because they have found a way to live their lives worshiping god in a way that enhances their lives.  Some of them don't agree with my lifestyle, but they resolve that fact by believing that god will judge me and no one else should.

     Many gay couples have recently gotten married, legally,  This may seem like a huge win for equal and gay rights.  Keep a couple things in mind, less than 50 years ago it was illegal for members of different ethnic backgrounds to marry, current events show us that there are still many powerful racist people in America who have found a way to voice their racism either personally or subversively.  While polls show 60% of Americans approve of gay marriage.  No state has passed an equal marriage law when put to a vote.  Obama originally stated when running for office the first time that he believed marriage was between a man and a woman.  I question his genuine beliefs.  No matter what the supreme court says now.  They are appointed positions and when the case comes up again things can always be reversed.  Some courts have actually already upheld the ban.  Rowe vs Wade is a prime example of why the fight for equal rights must never end.  States, Senators, and Good Christians are continually looking for a way to take abortion, and women's rights away from them.

     Sally Kern, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Al Sharpton, Mike Huckabee, Mary Fallon, Sarah Palin, all have found a pulpit to pound when it comes to gay rights.  I was very slow to come to the side of gay rights.  I felt as a movement, and social body we were not mature enough to deserve them.  In many aspects I still feel that way.  Fact is legally there is enough legal documentation out there to file to protect gay couples rights.  Many young gay people take for granted the vast volumes of shit the rest of us have gone through, and frankly they aren't tough enough to handle it anyway.  I can remember standing in front of a gay bar in Lexington Kentucky in the early ninety's and somebody driving by and firing gun shots into the building.  At the time nobody even called the police because they didn't want to deal with the conflict of calling the police to a gay bar.  So a little bullying during high school, which we all have had to deal with, and some bullying on face book page doesn't really seem such a big deal to me.  Have some balls boys, you have them don't you.

     While there are plenty of Christians who don't oppose gay marriage rights, it does give the far right wing republicans and everyday bigots a pulpit to hide behind.  It gives them the courage to voice their opinions standing behind the veil of religion when they don't have the courage to stand up and declare they are racist and bigots on their own accord.  Hell I am an opinionated son of a bitch and I don't care what you think about it, at least I admit it.  I plan to marry my partner this spring, not because the state of Arizona allows it legally. Not because the supreme court says that I have the right to. Because I believe in the commitment that I want to make to him.   I want him to know the blind love that I have seen my father exhibit toward my mother for the last 50 plus years.    I don't believe that we will have equal rights for gays until we can sit across the table at a romantic dinner and hold hands openly, or stand beside a river, or on a mountain, or a fountain and be moved and kiss openly in public without looks of disdain or disgust.  I believe the fight is not anywhere near over and we need a stable, united voice to respectfully keep on fighting the good fight.  The couples who have been fighting the battle in the courts, who have taken all the social and racial slurs, who have had to stand on the steps of the courts and walk past the protesters carrying viscous banners have earned and deserve for us to keep on fighting the good fight.