Moving Forward.

      I have often thought that after going through the process of loosing my partner I was supposed to learn something from the experience and somehow make some kind of contribution to society to make things better.  Its just been a thought rattling around in the back of my mind for a long period of time.  I've considered volunteering to help with Hospice care because I believe it is the most important health care program that we have available to us, I just don't know what skills I have that I could make a contribution.  I've considered writing a book about dealing with grief, but would that help anyone but me.  Those are just a few of the things I've considered.  With the holiday season upon us I've decided to post a thought about dealing with loss.  Something that thousands of people go through every year.

     Loss and grief are a fact of everyday life.  You cant enjoy a full life without loosing a pet, partner, friend, child, husband or wife.  It happens, yet nobody has an answer how to wake up the next day and successfully go on with your life.  Some people immerse themselves in work, some family, some food, some spend money.  Most pretend to go on with that "I can handle it" look all the while they are struggling with just waking up and getting out of bed every morning.  I buried myself in the horse business travelling 36 weeks that first year, finding a new relationship so that I wouldn't be alone and just wandered through life day to day.

     As awful as it was loosing my partner, going through the final six weeks taking care of him and holding his hand at the end was a to me, a privilege in some aspects those last few days and hours were the best we ever had.  For some people its a quick accident or catastrophic health event and they weren't afforded the opportunity that I was.  In the end the outcome is the same.

     Basically there is no right way or wrong way to deal with loss as we all deal with it the best way we can.  One thing I know for sure.  No matter how I move forward there will always be one more person involved in my life.  Often behind the scenes and only in my mind, but Ive found a way to find contentment knowing that the memory and the feeling of him is there in my mind.

     This time of year is especially hard for me as well as many others who have lost loved ones.  The mind is powerful and sometimes its hard to control the memories and feelings of past holidays spent traveling or sitting by the fire at home.  One winter I put the dogs in the 5th wheel and headed from Bakersfield CA all the way to Vancouver BC to celebrate Christmas.  It was a miserable long trip, the wind over the passes was brutal and there was a bad snowstorm in the Shasta Cascades.  I was required to chain up the trailer in CA and then the truck in Oregon.  The trailing vibrating because of the chains about drove me nuts.  I had to use 4 wheel drive for hours while driving from norther CA through Bend Oregon in the middle of the night.  We camped at a little place in White Rock BC and it ended up being one of the best camping trips ever.  Those are the memories that make a heart warm.  When I do something that I would think is special I often think of Mark first and how he would have enjoyed it.  Even though  chance has brought me somebody equally as special to share my life with, I realize that is exactly what it is, sharing my life with the past and the present.  Sometimes it takes conscience effort to choose to look to the future, as bright as it might be, and not dwell in the past.

     In this holiday season,  take a little time and exercise some patience when you want to throat punch some idiot for not moving quick enough, driving stupidly, or looking like they would rather be someplace else when waiting on your table.  You never know what their daily lives are like or what they are dealing with.  Take an extra moment to think about one of those days when you were down and needed a break, or how much a friendly smile and a hello meant.  Open a door for someone, or say thank you to that clerk that bagged your groceries.  From experience I can say it may be the one act of kindness that gets that person through the day and up then next morning to put one foot in front of the other.

    Make it a Merry Christmas, be thankful for the ones you love, and have a Happy New Year.