I think there are many types of Angels, as varied as the colors on a landscape. They are Angels here on earth just waiting until its their time when they reach that final peaceful place. There are big bright Angels that make lots of noise and effect lots of peoples lives and spend a lot of time in the limelight. There are steady sturdy Angels that go from one cause to another working tirelessly bringing other Angels into their causes. There are Angels full of turmoil that struggle through life seemingly out of control just going along like pinballs in a pinball machine. Then there are the silent Angels that get up every day and go through life quietly, calmly, seldom asking for anything and shouldering every responsibility handed to them. Keeping a steady pace, never complaining, never arguing, never refusing to do what is asked of them quietly dealing with what life hands them without every saying "what about me".
My aunt Dee was one of the silent Angels. The youngest of three children with two older siblings with big boisterous personalities. She was the quiet Angel of the three. She seemed simpler, quieter, more settled. I have not had the opportunity to spend much time with her as my life has gone on, and today I dedicated some time to remember her. She was definitely the simple one of the three, quiet, never complaining, always seeming content to bring up the rear. Enduring life's struggles quietly, steadily working through marriage. Raising three children equally. Loving them deeply never demanding too much, loving them EXACTLY as they are. Supporting their lives no matter what they handed and demanded of her. Supporting and loving her husband with that same steady hand never asking for more.
Her final quietest battle with cancer she handled exactly as she had her life. Quietly, steadily, sturdily never complaining or asking anyone for help. Enduring all that cancer could throw at her without showing any signs of anger or despair.
I think of all the Angels, the silent ones must be God's favorites. You see they are his easy ones they never ask anything of him, they do their time hear on earth with a quiet competence that makes his job easier. I was fortunate enough to see my Aunt Dee recently and I may not know much about anything, but looking into her Blue eyes I am certain of two things. She knew she was loved, and she was ready to take on whatever is going to be handed to her the rest of her journey.
Friday, December 23, 2016
Monday, December 19, 2016
Is this the Golden Age of Automobiles
Saturday we went to Arizona Motorsports Park for a track day with ProAutoSports. What a truly great day on many levels. The racing community is truly a family oriented group. Tight knit, fun, personable, all encompassing and very welcoming to those who are just getting involved. The weather was a little colder than I like, but it was sunny and warmed up nicely as the day went on. I finally went out to take photos of on track action. I remembered how much I missed taking great track shots. So much more fun that taking a still photo of a car at a car show. Sports cars on track doing what they were designed to do.
Personally there were many things for me to enjoy. Friends at the track, watching Brian drive the R8 on track for the first time. Not as an employee of Audi with an Audi instructor riding along and babysitting, but driving his own R8 supercar on track. Doing the things all race nuts live for. Getting his confidence back after wrecking the Vette. Exploring both the limits of the car and his own. Going for a ride with an accomplished racer further learning the limits of the car, then driving with instruction, and finally going out on his own to find the limits by himself. Anyone who enjoys teaching, be it in a classroom, in a car, or giving horseback riding lessons truly enjoys watching the progression of someone who goes from apprehension to joy as they struggle to learn skills that take decades to perfect. That was the best part of the weekend for me, watching Brian progress from nervous anticipation to that happy ecstatic exuberance that we all go through when we get a chance to live some of our dreams and goals.
This was a really good weekend to go to the track if you love cars. From front wheel drive supercharged Volkswagen GTI's a amateur group of both Miata and Honda S2000 drivers. The local club racing BMW guys, a new Acura NSX, Two Audi R8's, and numerous Porsche's Corvette's Mustang's and such. Enjoying a track day is not just a one emotion adventure. Every one of the senses can be used to enjoy the day. Listening to the low growl of the big V8's, the tighter higher revving over head cam engines, hearing the C7 Stingray, Porshe 911, and Audi R8 V10 plus snap off paddle shifts with their automatic transmissions. Where else can you watch those three supercars snake around a track with unbelievable balance, braking, accelerating, shifting and launching full throttle out of the turns down the straights.
I turned some laps in Brian's R8 at the end of the day. He let me go out by myself to get a track fix while we are working on getting the Vette back together. I've had some R8 laps before, but considerably more controlled and with the automatic, not the 6 speed gated manual. Track enthusiasts have said since the inception of the R8 program that the V8 with the 6 speed is the preferred track animal. Not that I am in the same league as the professionals, but I can say after a session it is definitely a brilliant beast on the track. The balance is incredible, it goes where you point it, when you point it and has brakes that will stop it from the limit lap after lap all day long. AMP has a set of left and right sweepers at the end of a straight and that is my favorite part of the track. As I learned the limits toward the end of my session I sailed into that complex flat in 4th. Without any aero the R8 was unbelievably civil and stable with only a hint of lack of stability. Just a slight body lean as it struggles for grip while being overdriven into a fast corner. Stab the brakes blip the throttle and downshift to third while exploring the upper end of the 8200 redline while turning back right and launching through the short chute to the hard braking downshift to 2nd for the sharp right hander then heading south back down the track toward the pits. Truly a brilliant car, what the V8 lacks in brute low end torque it makes up with horsepower at the upper end and balance through the corners. Lap after lap bigger motored cars could catch me on the straights only to fall back as I slipped perfectly through and out of a corner. I had to quit early while I still had control of myself before the cars ability led me to believe that I had enough ability to keep up with it. I'll have to wait patiently until the Vette is done before driving on the ragged edge again. The only change I would make to the R8 is a splitter for the front to add some crispness to the turn in on high speed corners. Speeds that the average track driver probably wont get to anyway and not on the street for sure if you've got any sense.
This last weekend was a perfect example of why we should feel fortunate to have the lives we have here in the U.S. In this country you are either part of the problem or part of the solution. If you can't find a way to live and enjoy your life and everything this country has to offer then its your fault. Its all out there if you just go out and get it. Get out of your own box. Boxes are for storing things and I for one don't intend to go into storage.
Personally there were many things for me to enjoy. Friends at the track, watching Brian drive the R8 on track for the first time. Not as an employee of Audi with an Audi instructor riding along and babysitting, but driving his own R8 supercar on track. Doing the things all race nuts live for. Getting his confidence back after wrecking the Vette. Exploring both the limits of the car and his own. Going for a ride with an accomplished racer further learning the limits of the car, then driving with instruction, and finally going out on his own to find the limits by himself. Anyone who enjoys teaching, be it in a classroom, in a car, or giving horseback riding lessons truly enjoys watching the progression of someone who goes from apprehension to joy as they struggle to learn skills that take decades to perfect. That was the best part of the weekend for me, watching Brian progress from nervous anticipation to that happy ecstatic exuberance that we all go through when we get a chance to live some of our dreams and goals.
This was a really good weekend to go to the track if you love cars. From front wheel drive supercharged Volkswagen GTI's a amateur group of both Miata and Honda S2000 drivers. The local club racing BMW guys, a new Acura NSX, Two Audi R8's, and numerous Porsche's Corvette's Mustang's and such. Enjoying a track day is not just a one emotion adventure. Every one of the senses can be used to enjoy the day. Listening to the low growl of the big V8's, the tighter higher revving over head cam engines, hearing the C7 Stingray, Porshe 911, and Audi R8 V10 plus snap off paddle shifts with their automatic transmissions. Where else can you watch those three supercars snake around a track with unbelievable balance, braking, accelerating, shifting and launching full throttle out of the turns down the straights.
I turned some laps in Brian's R8 at the end of the day. He let me go out by myself to get a track fix while we are working on getting the Vette back together. I've had some R8 laps before, but considerably more controlled and with the automatic, not the 6 speed gated manual. Track enthusiasts have said since the inception of the R8 program that the V8 with the 6 speed is the preferred track animal. Not that I am in the same league as the professionals, but I can say after a session it is definitely a brilliant beast on the track. The balance is incredible, it goes where you point it, when you point it and has brakes that will stop it from the limit lap after lap all day long. AMP has a set of left and right sweepers at the end of a straight and that is my favorite part of the track. As I learned the limits toward the end of my session I sailed into that complex flat in 4th. Without any aero the R8 was unbelievably civil and stable with only a hint of lack of stability. Just a slight body lean as it struggles for grip while being overdriven into a fast corner. Stab the brakes blip the throttle and downshift to third while exploring the upper end of the 8200 redline while turning back right and launching through the short chute to the hard braking downshift to 2nd for the sharp right hander then heading south back down the track toward the pits. Truly a brilliant car, what the V8 lacks in brute low end torque it makes up with horsepower at the upper end and balance through the corners. Lap after lap bigger motored cars could catch me on the straights only to fall back as I slipped perfectly through and out of a corner. I had to quit early while I still had control of myself before the cars ability led me to believe that I had enough ability to keep up with it. I'll have to wait patiently until the Vette is done before driving on the ragged edge again. The only change I would make to the R8 is a splitter for the front to add some crispness to the turn in on high speed corners. Speeds that the average track driver probably wont get to anyway and not on the street for sure if you've got any sense.
This last weekend was a perfect example of why we should feel fortunate to have the lives we have here in the U.S. In this country you are either part of the problem or part of the solution. If you can't find a way to live and enjoy your life and everything this country has to offer then its your fault. Its all out there if you just go out and get it. Get out of your own box. Boxes are for storing things and I for one don't intend to go into storage.
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Moving Forward.
I have often thought that after going through the process of loosing my partner I was supposed to learn something from the experience and somehow make some kind of contribution to society to make things better. Its just been a thought rattling around in the back of my mind for a long period of time. I've considered volunteering to help with Hospice care because I believe it is the most important health care program that we have available to us, I just don't know what skills I have that I could make a contribution. I've considered writing a book about dealing with grief, but would that help anyone but me. Those are just a few of the things I've considered. With the holiday season upon us I've decided to post a thought about dealing with loss. Something that thousands of people go through every year.
Loss and grief are a fact of everyday life. You cant enjoy a full life without loosing a pet, partner, friend, child, husband or wife. It happens, yet nobody has an answer how to wake up the next day and successfully go on with your life. Some people immerse themselves in work, some family, some food, some spend money. Most pretend to go on with that "I can handle it" look all the while they are struggling with just waking up and getting out of bed every morning. I buried myself in the horse business travelling 36 weeks that first year, finding a new relationship so that I wouldn't be alone and just wandered through life day to day.
As awful as it was loosing my partner, going through the final six weeks taking care of him and holding his hand at the end was a to me, a privilege in some aspects those last few days and hours were the best we ever had. For some people its a quick accident or catastrophic health event and they weren't afforded the opportunity that I was. In the end the outcome is the same.
Basically there is no right way or wrong way to deal with loss as we all deal with it the best way we can. One thing I know for sure. No matter how I move forward there will always be one more person involved in my life. Often behind the scenes and only in my mind, but Ive found a way to find contentment knowing that the memory and the feeling of him is there in my mind.
This time of year is especially hard for me as well as many others who have lost loved ones. The mind is powerful and sometimes its hard to control the memories and feelings of past holidays spent traveling or sitting by the fire at home. One winter I put the dogs in the 5th wheel and headed from Bakersfield CA all the way to Vancouver BC to celebrate Christmas. It was a miserable long trip, the wind over the passes was brutal and there was a bad snowstorm in the Shasta Cascades. I was required to chain up the trailer in CA and then the truck in Oregon. The trailing vibrating because of the chains about drove me nuts. I had to use 4 wheel drive for hours while driving from norther CA through Bend Oregon in the middle of the night. We camped at a little place in White Rock BC and it ended up being one of the best camping trips ever. Those are the memories that make a heart warm. When I do something that I would think is special I often think of Mark first and how he would have enjoyed it. Even though chance has brought me somebody equally as special to share my life with, I realize that is exactly what it is, sharing my life with the past and the present. Sometimes it takes conscience effort to choose to look to the future, as bright as it might be, and not dwell in the past.
In this holiday season, take a little time and exercise some patience when you want to throat punch some idiot for not moving quick enough, driving stupidly, or looking like they would rather be someplace else when waiting on your table. You never know what their daily lives are like or what they are dealing with. Take an extra moment to think about one of those days when you were down and needed a break, or how much a friendly smile and a hello meant. Open a door for someone, or say thank you to that clerk that bagged your groceries. From experience I can say it may be the one act of kindness that gets that person through the day and up then next morning to put one foot in front of the other.
Make it a Merry Christmas, be thankful for the ones you love, and have a Happy New Year.
Loss and grief are a fact of everyday life. You cant enjoy a full life without loosing a pet, partner, friend, child, husband or wife. It happens, yet nobody has an answer how to wake up the next day and successfully go on with your life. Some people immerse themselves in work, some family, some food, some spend money. Most pretend to go on with that "I can handle it" look all the while they are struggling with just waking up and getting out of bed every morning. I buried myself in the horse business travelling 36 weeks that first year, finding a new relationship so that I wouldn't be alone and just wandered through life day to day.
As awful as it was loosing my partner, going through the final six weeks taking care of him and holding his hand at the end was a to me, a privilege in some aspects those last few days and hours were the best we ever had. For some people its a quick accident or catastrophic health event and they weren't afforded the opportunity that I was. In the end the outcome is the same.
Basically there is no right way or wrong way to deal with loss as we all deal with it the best way we can. One thing I know for sure. No matter how I move forward there will always be one more person involved in my life. Often behind the scenes and only in my mind, but Ive found a way to find contentment knowing that the memory and the feeling of him is there in my mind.
This time of year is especially hard for me as well as many others who have lost loved ones. The mind is powerful and sometimes its hard to control the memories and feelings of past holidays spent traveling or sitting by the fire at home. One winter I put the dogs in the 5th wheel and headed from Bakersfield CA all the way to Vancouver BC to celebrate Christmas. It was a miserable long trip, the wind over the passes was brutal and there was a bad snowstorm in the Shasta Cascades. I was required to chain up the trailer in CA and then the truck in Oregon. The trailing vibrating because of the chains about drove me nuts. I had to use 4 wheel drive for hours while driving from norther CA through Bend Oregon in the middle of the night. We camped at a little place in White Rock BC and it ended up being one of the best camping trips ever. Those are the memories that make a heart warm. When I do something that I would think is special I often think of Mark first and how he would have enjoyed it. Even though chance has brought me somebody equally as special to share my life with, I realize that is exactly what it is, sharing my life with the past and the present. Sometimes it takes conscience effort to choose to look to the future, as bright as it might be, and not dwell in the past.
In this holiday season, take a little time and exercise some patience when you want to throat punch some idiot for not moving quick enough, driving stupidly, or looking like they would rather be someplace else when waiting on your table. You never know what their daily lives are like or what they are dealing with. Take an extra moment to think about one of those days when you were down and needed a break, or how much a friendly smile and a hello meant. Open a door for someone, or say thank you to that clerk that bagged your groceries. From experience I can say it may be the one act of kindness that gets that person through the day and up then next morning to put one foot in front of the other.
Make it a Merry Christmas, be thankful for the ones you love, and have a Happy New Year.
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