Life's Lessons Never End

Sometimes we go through things in life that we really can't control. Some of us can't help who we fall in love with either. I've always been amazed by those who can. So I'm going to spend a few minutes telling you some very personal things about myself and if your not interested don't read any further. Four years ago this June I lost what I thought would be my life partner to Alcoholism. I took care of him at home the last three weeks of his life and held his hand while he passed away. A gallon of alcohol a day will eventually kill you. Especially if your dedicated. You never imagine that you will have to start life over half way through. Because basically when you lose you're other half at an early age that's just what you have to do. So I did the only thing that I knew how. I went on, or I thought so. On the outside I tried desperately to keep everything the same. I went on with my life, business, social etc. All the while secretly inside there were days that I truly hoped I just would never wake up again. Several of them. Several times a week I wished that I had the balls to end it all. Obviously I don't. My business crumbled partly because of the economy. The ensuing job search was a nightmare as it became painfully obvious that not having a college degree was going to make it increasingly impossible to support myself in the lifestyle that I had become accustom to. While pretending everything was normal I've sold most of the things that I had that were dear to me just too keep afloat.

Then this last Christmas two things that happened made a huge difference for me. Someone in my life I am very grateful for and to made a comment to me that made me realize it was time to make a choice. And I applied for a job and got an interview for a position that I though I would never get. Basically it was time to make a choice to just give up for good, or really REALLY get on with life again. Actually participate not just pretend.

Throughout all this I gave up on the horse business for good and I started racing one of my Corvettes, something I had always wanted to do. I acquired a whole new group of friends, some from the Corvette club that I have joined and some from the various other racing clubs that you have to belong to when you race. I also joined a private club racing facility in Wilcox AZ. This last weekend I decided to invite some of my friends and racing buddies to the track to be part of something that I love and truly enjoy. Honestly I am hoping that some of them join also so I have more people to have fun with at the track. This was a weekend for others. I didn't even take my car though I could have if I wanted to. I wanted others to have the opportunity to experience something that is special to me. I cannot lie I did take a few rides in other cars, and I did use the owners Corvette and make a few hot laps. Most of my time was spent taking pictures and encouraging the rest of the group. We had a wonderful time. A first class experience start to finish. We all camped at the track in our R.V.'s and spent two great days together. Not everybody I invited could make it. Some had to work, some had family issues, some had previous engagements. I hand picked the group with the thought that either the track would benefit, or the invitees would. They fed us while we were there, helped us maintain our cars, introduced us to prospective new members from out of state and treated us to a first class weekend.

The basic reason for this post was I learned a life lesson this weekend. Someone who has benefited greatly with an already established relationship with the track was not invited. When asked to address this at the last Corvette gathering I explained that this was a weekend centering around individuals who either hadn't been to the track before, or somehow mutually the track or the person would benefit from it. I had discussed my thoughts and invitees with the track before the invitations were extended. This person who obviously felt left out took it upon himself to send an e mail that really hurt my feelings. He was careful, nothing in the e mail was directed at me, except the subject line, but his intent was perfectly clear. Fortunately for me his intent was also clear to the recipient. I was astonished. This is a person who socially, professionally and as a racer has achieved things that I surely will not. I understand this. It's not an issue with me. I am an amateur racer who has only been racing 3 years. He has raced numerous cars for most of his adult life. 50 odd years more than me. I am usually a strong person, and maybe I should have let this go and not bothered to respond at all. After the last few years that I've made it through though I have learned that some things are worth fighting for and about. I don't appreciate subversiveness. If you don't like me fine. I don't give a shit. But stay out of my business especially when it doesn't concern you. I do very few things to hurt peoples feelings. I grew up with the meanest bitch on earth and I know what the consequences are. I may be a bit brash, I say what I think and don't ask me a question unless you want the answer. Unfiltered is a really good description for me.

Friendship is an important thing to me. I cherish my friends. I work on my friendships. I have invested time in them and I am fiercely loyal to them to a fault. And I am a bastard when I need to be.